I dropped by the local Border�s bookstore in Springfield, figuring that would be a perfect place to purchase said book. On the surface, that may seem overstated and obvious that one would actually go to a BOOK store to buy a BOOK, but not if you have been to a Border�s bookstore recently. As you walk in the door you have to make your way past the Trekkies, Warries, Comic Book Guys and Dungeons and Dragoners, huddled around the big Star Wars display, advertising the release of the 25 year old movies on DVD! Then you have to negotiate past the latte drinking, Gucci purse toting, suburbanite soccer moms, paying homage at the 6 foot cardboard shrine honoring the latest musical offering from Josh Groban �Josh Groban Gets Down and Dirty � I Gots �Dem I Ain�t Got No Soul Blues Vol. I.� Finally you work your way over to the Border�s Caf� and Cappuchino bar where you can ask the friendly lady behind the counter where the books are� �Ok ok ok ok. You see where the new release DVD�s are? You make a right there. Go down 6 aisles, make a left at the children�s playland and toy section. Meander over about 7 aisles and take a right. �Bout halfway down on the left you will see the book section�. Now what can I get you to drink?� So finally I made it to the book section and I can actually get on with today�s journal entry topic�..the Insanity of Pricing in America.

I scour the sports book section and cant really find anything with more than a sentence or too on Dan, so I mosey on over to the e-dewey decimal system and find out that all the Dan Patrick books are out of stock. Fucking A! I exclaim (to myself) as I stand there, confused, for about 3 or 4 hours, staring around, lost, like a blind man at a silent movie festival. Finally I meander over to the comedy section thinking that there could be some good humor there! I find a few good ones there, Jon Stewart, The Onion, 9000 Bush is a Moron books Seinfeld and some Far Side Comic strips amongst others, but nothing really tickles my fancy. So I think to myself �what in this God forsaken bookstore could tickle my fancy?�

After checking out Playboy, Penthouse, Maxim FHM, Big Butt Women in Tiny Bikinis and Cosmo, with my fancy tickled and satiated, for the time being, I decide that maybe I can find some good jocularity in the classics. So I venture over to the classic literature section. I immediately stop at Twain� bingo! Huck Finn! If that can�t provide inspiration I don�t know what can, and Holy Fuck! It�s only $3.50. At this point I feel like a drunk at a 2 for 1 happy hour. What next! So I pick up Vonnegut�s Slaughterhouse-Five for freaking $5.50! Two books guaranteed to increase my wit capacity tenfold.

So I go back to the comedy section triumphant in my 2 economical finds, thinking that some contemporary humor would be in order as well. So I decide to pick up one of The Onion books�$17.95!!! Jon Stewart�$14!!! Both worthy investments to be sure, but 3 times as expensive as Vonnegut or Twain???? So it got me to thinking, and this can never be a good thing but, it got me thinking that we have some fucked up pricing in America. You can get the two aforementioned classics for less than $6 each, yet fork out almost $30 for such writers such as Bill O�Reilly, Ann Coulter, Regis Philbin, Paris Hilton and Tracy Lords. I mean, who makes these decisions? Unfortunately bad pricing has become as much of a part of everyday life as traffic, taxes and reality television.

So I was going to go on and on, and make this, like a legitimate, lengthy, journal and stuff, but I dunno, I think I really, like, commas, and, placing, them, after, every, word, but, you all get the point. We have our priorities askew in this great country of ours. I mean we can buy a 30 second commercial for $20,000 yet score a pauper�s vote for $300. We can buy a ticket to watch cars driving around in circles for 33 hours for $80 yet score a mullet removal procedure for $10! We can EVEN pay $100,000 for a hummer at a dealership yet go to 14th and k and pay $40 for a good hummer! The point is we spend money in weird ways in this country, and when elected President, I vow to make Hummers affordable for all the masses!