The other day my sexy, alluring, beautiful, kind, smart, silly friend Trixy Doodle Beetch Rhi O�Malley brought up the 80�s Power Ballad, �Sister Christian, by Night Ranger. I don�t recall how exactly it came up, but nevertheless we discussed the lyrics in somewhat great detail. Rhi and I were then stuck on the term �motoring� The line goes:
You�re motoring
What�s your price for flight.

So I went to my favorite dictionary website, aptly named, dictionary.com and found the definition for Motoring:

Mo"tor*ing, a. Pertaining to motor cars or automobiles, or to the technology of such; addicted to riding in or driving automobiles; as, motoring parlance; my motoring friend.

So by this definition, one would assume that she is driving an automobile and Mr. Ranger is wondering how much she charges for airline tickets. Seeing as how this makes complete sense to me now, I figured it would be fun to analyze the rest of the song, and share with you the lyrical genius of Night Ranger.

One thing you can take to the bank every time is that I like beer, nachos and hot chicks. Another thing you can take to the bank every time is that in Rock and Roll photos, the Main Guy of the band is usually in the center of the photo and is usually the lead singer. So it is OBVIOUS to me that the MAIN Night Ranger, is the guy with the blue hat and the killer shades. So I will infer from that that he is responsible for the genius words that will follow. So here you have it. The best Power Ballad about a Sister named Christian, EVER!!!

Sister Christian
Oh the time has come
And you know that you�re the only one
To say O.k.

Ok now I don�t know what Main Night Ranger guy was smoking that day. But personally, I can dispute his claims that Christian is the only one to say OK. This one time I asked this chick if she would like give me a bj, and she said ok. And this other time I asked this guy if he would pass me the bong, and he said ok. And then there was this time that I asked this chick to pass me the bong and then give me a bj, and she smacked me but said ok to the bong request. But I digress, back to the song�

Where you going
What you looking for
You know these boys
Don�t want to play no more with you
It�s true

Ok this goes back to the I don�t know what he was smoking when he wrote this, but call me crazy, but I don�t think that HE is one to be talking about boys not wanting to play with HER no more. And furthermore, I mean what guy is not going to want to play with her? I mean every woman can get laid. Roseanne Barr gets laid. Sandra Bernhardt gets a piece. Hell rumor has it even mullet_dixie_blue_angel_eyes_69_420_babygirl gets some schlong action every now and again. Hell, I�ve even beer goggled one time in my life, if you can imagine that. By beer goggling, for those of you that don�t know, I mean I got this chick drunk and she actually thought I was a famous Hollywood producer, and she agreed to hobble the gee, with me. 23 seconds later when I finished, she passed out, and claims it wasn�t that great! Bitch. But I digress, back to the song�

You�re MOTORING
What�s your price for flight
In finding mister right
You�ll be alright�tonight

See above for the first two lines. The next two, he simple says that she will find the right guy and everything will be OK tonight. Wait no he didn�t say it would be ok tonight cause SHE is the only one that says ok, so I guess he meant to say that everything will be peachy. Now what I don�t get is that she�s going to find the right guy (Mr. Right) but boys don�t like her. So all I can infer from this is that Mr. Right, is a lesbian, and that she is going to find this lesbian and have hot passionate lesbian love tonight on cam� nva�(you know the rest). But I digress, back to the song�

Babe you know
You�re growing up so fast

Her boobs are getting big and stuff. But I digress, back to the song�

And Mama�s worrying
That you won�t last
To say let�s play

Main Ranger is referring to the other lesbian (mama) that is going to join in the aforementioned tryst mentioned above. And Mama is worried that she won�t last, but what Mama doesn�t know about Christian, is that she�s on Levitra and go last for hours! But I digress, back to the song�

Sister Christian
There�s so much in life Don�t you give it up
Before your time is due

By this Main Ranger is referring to the many wonderful things that life has to offer Christian. Being ostracized as a �dyke, lesbo, carpet muncher, homo, queer, fag and other derogatory names.� He is referring to the cool rainbow stickers she will get to put on her car. The empowerment and comradery she will feel at the Lilith Festival. And the happiness and exuberance of the programming on the Oxygen channel! But I digress, back to the song�

It�s true
It�s true yeah.

What he just said is true. But I digress, back to the song�

MOTORING
What�s your price for flight
You�ve got him in your sight (yeah threw you off with that one you thought it would be the same!)
And driving through the night
Motoring
What�s your price for flight
In finding Mr. Right (the lesbo)
You�ll be alright (hot lesbian sex on cam) tonight

Well he pretty much just reiterates the same theme here. Hot lesbo love on cam for all the horny Night Rangers. And frankly this is getting redundant so im just going to leave it at that. But I digress, back to the song�

Ok yada yada yada. He repeats the motoring bit 89 times. So I wont actually spell all that out for you. Which brings us to the conclusion of this masterpiece. Where he repeats the first verse but I don�t really feel like typing that either. And for some reason I have this idea that I want to google �hot Christian lesbian love on cam.� But I digress, back to the song�

So that is my take on motoring and Night Ranger. I would like to know what you people think is the best Cock Rock, Glam Rock, Power Ballad ever! Personally I would say that it is probably this, though that song from Steelheart really kicks ass. So send me your faves, and one lucky winner will get to �Be Alright Tonight with Mr. Right (me)�. By be alright, of course, I mean have hot passionate lovin, on cam, nva� but I digress�