I was listening to the almighty and powerful

Apparently this is an ad for some sorta product or something, but more importantly it shows that there may actually be some holes in Mr. Patrick�s theory. I mean, who can say that this chick doesn�t look hot as hell with a mustache! I mean shit, I think Dan dropped the ball on this one. So I figured I would do some research into the subject and see what I could come up with. But before I go into that, I just want to inform you all of something that I discovered while researching this topic� did you all know that there is free porn on �the internet�?! I mean if you go to www.google.com and type in� big tit teen cam whore sluts�.. you will actually see big tit teen cam whore sluts! This is the news of the century I tell you! No more dressing up in disguise to go down to the local adult bookstore for your latest copy of Big Juggs! Simply go to this internet place, and type some shit, and voila!!!! You�re there! But I digress, back to the story, or whatever it is I was talking about. Oh yeah! Mustaches!!!! Ok, so I did some research and found out that a lot of cool, successful guys wear mustaches and that they are way cool! The following, is the result of my extensive research�

Unbeknownst to me, Rock and or Rollers, are both mullet and mustache clad people. As everyone knows, Hall and Oats would have been nothing without the multi talented, mustached and mulleted Oats. I mean look at the guy, he�s the badassmotherfucker looking motherfucker in the front. And everyone knows that the important guy in the band is always the dude in front, and usually topless and looking tough, as Oats clearly shows here. Oats is to Hall, what Summerall is to Madden, Colmes is to Hannity, Garfunkle is to Simon, Butthead is to Beavis and Sonny is to Cher�aka�he is the Top Dog�The Head Cheese�Numero Uno� Da Man!!!! And why you may ask? Because he has talent, skill or luck? No�because he�s got the �stache!

Everyone loves Raymond and everyone also loves a good magician. Doug Henning was a magician, therefore everyone loved Doug Henning. I went to CBS with this idea. I wanted to do a show where everyone loved a magician named Doug Henning. I, of course, was going to star as Doug Henning, and the role of �everyone �was going to be played by the entire ensemble of Victoria�s Secret models of my choice. The plot was going to be, everyone (VS lingerie models) loving Doug Henning (as portrayed by me). I figured it was a win/win situation. The models get 23 seconds of fun, a nice paycheck and some national exposure. The network steals 23 million male internet porn junky viewers, a nice Nielsen rating, and national exposure. I get 23 supermodels to doink for several takes �til we capture the scene just right, a nice Chech to pay, and I get to expose myself and NOT get arrested! All thanks to the wonderful, Mustached Man �full of MAGIC and ILLUSION!!!

My pursuit of mustached greats, led me to this self-described leader of the great anti white cracker Republican soulless honky non Muslim evil Yanni and John Tesh listening to motherfuckers Intifada. So surely Mr. Patrick must not have had Khalid Ah Mah Mathafuquindumassmathafacka in mind when he claimed that no one looks good with the ole, �stache. �Cause after speaking to Khalid, I came back with the impression that mean mustached Muslim menacing mass murdering Malfeasance's were going to be spending eternity being fed grapes by 17 vestal virgins on a pristine beach paradise! Take away the fact that he has spent the last few years in some secluded interrogation location. Take away the fact that the vestal virgins have yet to arrive. Take away the fact that he has an afro-like back. Take it all away, and you have �

My research on dudes with mustaches finally led me to this gentleman, Mr. Pat Grandschlong. A self proclaimed �regular guy�, it is apparent after talking to the ladies, that Mr. Grandschlong was anything BUT regular. And by this, I don�t mean his lack of fiber intake, but I mean his enormous unit! Female witnesses from Sioux Falls to Sue everybody, Los Angeles will attest to his �gift�. �When I first met �The Schlong�, I have to admit that at first, I was skeptical� noted Trixy Rhidundant �but then he whipped it out and I was like Oh my heavens of mercy!!!� Similar sentiments come from all over the globe. �I mean I always thought guys with mustaches where cheesy as hell, but Pat puts the LONG in SCHLONG�if you know what I mean!� X Quzme offered. �I mean I heard all the rumors, and I remember asking Pat if it was true what they said about him�.all I have to say is�.its TWOOO�oh my gawd �its TWOOO!!!!�

On first glance, Mr. Grandschlong doesn�t look like much, but upon second look and lots of alcohol and drugs (if necessary of course) the women seem to buy his BS and lose all sense of length and common sense, and thus, Mr. Patrick has been proven wrong, I am afraid to report. For it is NOT true that �No man ever looks good with a mustache.� As the aforementioned examples clearly prove, every man should have a mustache! I mean look what it did for