2004-11-03 - 11:42 p.m.
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The Anatomy of a Halloween Costume - 2004
i love halloween. i dress up for halloween every year. for the last few years i have sorta started a trend of being a TV show character. A few years ago at my brother's party i was Magnum PI. Then in Crozet i tried to emulate Herb Tarlick. The following Halloween in Crozet i decided to be Mr. T, though i ran into a couple problems... For one, i was WHITE and for another, i was weak, and further more i did NOT pity ANY fool. Then last year i was Jack Tripper. The Tripper costume was ok, i wore these rediculous shorts, and a dumbass t-shirt, froze my ass off but the real stupidity came in my dog's costume. i thought it would be "cool" and "funny" to dress poor jaeger up as a Man. So i put some of my worst shorts on him and my worst shirt on him and thought it would be neat to trick or treat with Jeager dressed as a human. Well i forgot one thing. When we walked out of Laura's driveway, the first thing Jaeger did, was attempt to christen the mailbox, as he has ALWAYS done. Unfortunately for me, he ended up christening my shorts. i have done 48308493849038409384093843 dumb things in my life and that one was 48308493849038409384093827. i have learned from it. And i move on. So this year i decided to carry on the tradition of TV character costumes and with similar success. So without any further ado, i give to you, my fans... the Anatomy of A Costume....
So i went to my sisters for some pre-halloween party preparations, and her wonderful daughter documented the event for you fine people.
So i got to Karen's and started to create my costume... threw
on some cool green sweatpants
So my costume was complete! We ventured to hte party... and IMAGINE my surprise!!! NO ONE knows what the fuck i am dressed up as!Shocked, and horrified, i begin to explain that i am an "undecided voter".... no one buying that, i continue to say that i have gone as the only remaining Backstreet Boys Fan... still no one buys it, so i come clean... i have gone as....
you tell me
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i arrived at Karen's, late, which is not normal for me. Normally i arrive
at such events right on time, but somehow this freaking karibou broke into
the house and ate all my clocks, watches and assorted other timepieces, making
me tardy. Well actually, as 
and i was on my way!!! Then i began to apply the $1.39 bottle of green costume
makeup that i scored from Party City! The one thing they DONT tell you about
this product is that you can NOT scratch your nose, or any other place on
your yead! 
i then grabbed the only green turtle necked item that i had in my wardrobe...
the aptly named "Green Turtle Neck" and put it on to give the illusion
that i was a man of color...
So i went to the thrift store and picked up a woman's sweater to really MAKE
THE COSTUME. Now i am not Marv Albert, so i am not used to searching the women's
section for apparel. But i found it to be quite the experience. i remember
asking the lady at the counter if they had a certain blouse in orange and
she looked at me like i was RuPaul on acid. So i continued and stumbled across
this DARLING liltte number...
My costume was near completion... i just needed some finishing touches. i
asked the lady at the checkout where the mascara was, and she responded with
a disgust that was reminiscent of my ex girlfriend's when i asked her if we
could "introduce" the blonde secretary at work, into our lovelife!
i then needed some eyes so i went to the only place i could think of...Wal
Mart... they have everything! they have to have freaking Eyes for pete's sake!
So i went there and checked out a bunch of their eyes. Most didn't wnat to
check my eyes out, and as a matter of fact this one chick's boyfriend's eyes
did NOT appreciate the fact that i was checking out her "eyes"...
but i digress. i happened upon this nice assortment of eyes and chose these
They are pretty sweet i think! Finally, my good friend Chaka, gave me this
"Jewel of Pretentous Knowledge and Knowledge" 
