The Budget of the God of Whine�s
Fiscal Year 2006

As you may have read in the news, Dubya just presented his latest budget to Congress. His $2.57 trillion dollar budget was designed to attack the $400 billion debt that is projected for 2006 by cutting or eliminating 150 governmental programs. The major budget increases are for �invading, maiming and eliminating any remaining ragheads� as well as vast increases in Homeland Security. Unfortunately, invading and maiming has become an expensive hobby and some cuts would have to be made. Mr., Ya decided to meet with his Chief Budget and Spending consultant, Donald J Lesarthanhuman, to find out where to make the tough cuts�

Chief Ya Budget Consultant

Highlights of their meeting:

They decided that they could make the cuts in such Superfluous agencies such as: Dep. Of Agriculture (-10%). This waste of government money provides us with �food and nutrition service�, Forest service ( fuck trees, waste of space), food safety and Agricultural Commodities support�notice that word,� it has �oddities��.see? we don�t need that shit, just cut there. Dep. Of Education (-1%) Mr, Ya certainly never had much use for education, so why should we spend money on this waste? Dep. Of Energy (-2%) All I have to say is that this waste of space has �Environmental Clean up � as one of its priorities�..FUCK THAT! Dep. Of Health and Human Services (-1%) Medicare, Medicaid�.who fuck needs that shit. I don�t know what it is but sure sounds dumb. Dep. Of Housing and Urban Development (-10%) Someone told me that this department helps find low income housing, housing for elderly and disabled amongst others. This is exactly the kind of governmental waste that I came to Washington to reign in!
Dep. Of Interior (-1%)�.worthless. Small Business Administration (-3%) keyword here being small.

So they cut and sliced and came up with the necessary reductions to make it possible to increase bomb buying, inept missile defense systems and 12 dollar coca colas, 8 dollar a gallon gasoline for our troops courtesy of Mr. Lestarthanhuman. So after reading though such an impressive, and efficient budget plan I decided to model one of my own using Mr, Ya�s as a model. So without any further ado, I present to you, my budget for fiscal year 2006.

Like Mr. Ya�s budget, I have to work on the constraints of being tremendously in dept. Mr. Ya has at least a $400 billion dollar budget deficit. I owe my buddy Eddie, $37.23 and a 12 pack. Mr. Ya also has to deal with a $600 billion trade deficit, meaning we spend that much more on goods than people spend on our goods. The same thing with me, I can sympathies for Mr. Ya. I spend about $4.95 a month on Maxim, $19.95 on www.bighooterchicksdoingitoncam.com and $13.50 a month on food and stuff. And none of those people are giving me any in return so I feel your pain. I will have to be strict with the spending and keep in these factors in mind, some tough cuts will have to be made I am sure.

First off I will start with the Department of Food, Condiments and Beverages (DFCB). I propose spending $67.23 on fresh fruit and vegetables (-87% from 2005) in 2006. The 2005 budget has entirely too many bananas, grapes and green vegetables in it, and it is getting out hand. Surely there is no need in my life for such items. However I shall allocate a nominal amount for them, as some chicks like to eat this crap and If you wanna get it on you have to feed em, so thus the $67.23 should suffice. $1,987.56 will be allocated to red meats, fried food, and anything sweet. $47,987 will be allocated to nachos. As for beverages, $89 for tea bags, $167 for Root Beer and $218,953.43(+56% will be allocated for anything with alcohol. As you know chicks won�t do you unless they are shit faced, so it is always necessary to have every imaginable drink on hand to give them. Included in his allocation, is Beer bongs, shot glasses, a kegerator and 12 PatGetsLaid 2000�s.

Tehcnician loading the PatGetsLaid2000

Next up we have the Department of Lack Of Girlfriend to Doink (DLOGD). I propose $78 for Dollar General Aloe lotion. $143 for Generic Kleenex. $7699.99 for various adult, internet website passwords. And most importantly a 547% increase of $2,379 for an inflatable Charo doll.

Life-size coochie coochie, coochie

Then we have the Sports Underachieving Charismatic Keen Adult Sassy Society (SUCKASS). This is one department where I feel we should reduce spending tremendously. $0 allocated for Buffalo Bills T-shirts. $0 for Buffalo Bills Caps. $0 for Buffalo Bills Jerseys. Until this crappy team, shows that it can finally live up to preseason hype, there shall be no spending on any Buffalo Bills merchandise at this time. Similarly there will be no Yankees, Knicks, Islanders or Mountaineers spending until at which time, one of these damn teams wins. The only SUCKASS allocation I have proposed, is $14.95 for the Buffalo Jills Calendar.

Up next we have the Northern Organization of Women Attracted to Yourstruly (NOWAY). $678 allocated to various cocktails at various bars. $12 allocated to flowers. $98 for taxicab fare. $9.99 for Steel Magnolia DVD. $3 for various greeting cards and $8,987 in legal fees fighting off restraining orders.

Finally, we have the League of Amoral Zany Youth (LAZY). To this group I owe all of my success to. For without them, I would be nothing. With LAZY I would be a dedicated, hard working, nine to fiver, with morals and maturity. Therefore I owe the greatest chunk of my budget to this extraordinary group of men and women. If there is one thing I learned from Mr. Ya� s budget it is this, pay back the people that got you where you are today. In his case that is corporations and energy magnates. In my case that is the underachievers of the world. So I have allocated $999 for 100 copies of Office Space, which I plan to distribute to the various veal fattening pens, that I come across in my travels. I allocate $1400, for Louisville Sluggers, through which the overworked, and underpaid paper pushers of America, can demolish their alarm clocks, and anything else that gets in the way of them oversleeping or calling in sick. $4000 is allocated for a new couch for the living room. One of those couches where each seat is a recliner and with the snazzy refrigerator, so that one doesn�t have to leave the couch�.ever. Finally I allocate $456,000 for universal remote controls�