Much has been made in recent weeks, about the military careers of this year�s 2 presidential candidates. One spent the Vietnam War on a swift-boat, apparently going at great speeds, and even more apparently faking wounds to get enough purple hearts to get out of the war. The other spent the Vietnam War on a swift-plane in the National Guard in Texas for a vague amount of time performing vague duties that no one seems to remember him performing. Patrick Clarke spent the Vietnam War as a glisten in his father�s eye�

However anyone that is concerned about Clarke�s lack of military experience should think again. As us Contra Veterans will attest, Patrick Clarke is a true American Hero, having saved numerous lives and all of humanity for that matter, from the evil Alien army of Alienland! �I remember parachuting into The Jungle, with Col. Clarke, when with one sentence, he saved 30 men, maybe more.� stated Contra Veteran, Ret. Maj. Jon McCallous �It was the strangest thing, we were getting ready to jump when he screamed at us all with a frenzied look on his face �UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A B A START!!!!� then he jumped out of the plane, screaming �Diieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee mutherfuckersssssss!� Col. Clarke saved thirty men that day. That just goes to show what kind of leader this man is. There was not a man on that swift plane that would not, to this day, follow him into battle!�

The stories of Clarke�s heroism are numerous. There was the time he saved the 15 month old baby out of the clutches of the evil Blue Winged Alien guys on Base 2. Then there was the time that he saved the 21 year old damsel in distress over at the hangar club. �I remember I was sitting there drinking a Mai Tai at the club when he came over to me.� reminisced damsel, Ivana Humpalot �He asked me what a girl like me was doing in a hell hole such as this. And I thought to myself, �My god he�s so right? What the hell AM I doing here?� So when he offered to �take me away from all of this� I just couldn�t say no. Mr. Clarke saved my life� well for 23 seconds at least, he took me to paradise! And if it weren�t for all the mai tais it would have been an experience that I never would have forgotten!�

When you think of someone that you want as your Commander in Chief, you want someone Courageous, Bold, Smart, Gallant and Smooth. Pat Clarke is all of these and then some. John Kerry had to fake purple hearts to get OUT of the war. George Bush had to use his family connections to get out of it. But not Pat, he is no fortunate son. He faced the vile Red Falcon, mano a mano, and single handedly saved the universe from total destruction.

We are sure that the other side will try to distort Mr. Clarke�s heroic, war record. But when all the fog from these distortions have cleared, it will be obvious to all that he is a man that volunteered to serve his country, a man who bravely showed up when his country called and a man that took on thousands of aliens single handedly while getting awarded with the High Score. Americans are tired of leaders with phony baloney war stories. It is time for a Commander in Chief that is savvy enough to know all the cheat codes, and tricks, to lead this country to battle against any enemy we shall face. And we Contra Veterans proudly endorse Pat Clarke as that Commander!